mysterious bunny
02-27-2004, 05:10 PM
The Darwin Award 2003. The candidates have finally been released! For those not familiar
with the Darwin Award, It's an annual honor given
to the person who provided the Universal
human gene pool the biggest service by getting
KILLED in the most extraordinarily Stupid way. As
always, competition again this year has been
keen.
DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES
* In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got
stuck and drowned in two
feet of water after squeezing head first through
an 18-inch-wide sewer grate
to retrieve his car keys.
* In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco
stockbroker, who "totally zoned
when he ran," accidentally jogged off a
100-foot-high cliff on his daily
run.
* Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an
8-foot-deep hole he had dug into
the sand caved in as he sat inside it.
Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21,
dug the hole for fun, or protection from the
wind, and had been sitting in a
beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when
it collapsed, burying him
beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
the outer banks, used their
hands and shovels,
trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of
Woodbridge, VA, but could
not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy
equipment almost an hour
to free him while about 200 people looked on.
Jones was pronounced dead at a
hospital.
* In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed
in Lompoc, CA, as he fell
face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he
was burglarizing. Death
was caused when the long flashlight he had placed
in his mouth (to keep his
hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as
he hit the floor.
* According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC
cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was
stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet
Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was
trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate
the flak vest Berrena was
wearing.
* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in
February in Selbyville, Del, as
he won a bet with friends who said he would not
put a revolver loaded with
four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
* In February, according to police in Windsor,
Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27,
and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on
collision, thus earning a tie in the
game of chicken they were playing with their
snowmobiles.
DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
* In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried
to kill a millipede with a
shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet
ricocheted off a rock near
the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the
head, fracturing his skull.
* In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins,
attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom
in favor of a propane torch
and caused a fire that burned the first and
second floors of his house.
* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover
Township, NJ, and his wife
Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of
dynamite blew up in their
car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored
couple lit the dynamite and
tried to toss it out the window to see what would
happen, but apparently
failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP....
TACOMA, WA
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several
friends when one of them said
they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the
Tacoma Narrows Bridge in
the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more
heated and at least 10 men
trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30
am. Upon arrival at the
midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no
one had brought a bungee
rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking,
volunteered and pointed out that
a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of
the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and
the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
lasted 40 feet before the
cable tightened and tore his foot off at the
ankle. He miraculously survived his
fall into the icy river water and was rescued by
two nearby fishermen.
"All I can say, " said Bingham, "is that God was
watching out for me on that
night." "There's just no other explanation for
it." Bingham's foot was never
located.
AND THE WINNER....
PADERBORN, GERMANY
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his
constipated elephant
Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than
a bushel of berries, figs
and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm
finally let it fly, and
suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated
Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing
elephant an olive oil enema
when the relieved beast unloaded on him.
"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected
defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head
on a rock and lay
unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate
his bowels on top of him"
said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective
Erik Dern. 'with no one there to help him, he lay
under all that dung for at least an hour before a
watchman came along, and
during that time he suffocated. It seems to be
just one of those freak
accidents where "shit happens."
with the Darwin Award, It's an annual honor given
to the person who provided the Universal
human gene pool the biggest service by getting
KILLED in the most extraordinarily Stupid way. As
always, competition again this year has been
keen.
DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES
* In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got
stuck and drowned in two
feet of water after squeezing head first through
an 18-inch-wide sewer grate
to retrieve his car keys.
* In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco
stockbroker, who "totally zoned
when he ran," accidentally jogged off a
100-foot-high cliff on his daily
run.
* Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an
8-foot-deep hole he had dug into
the sand caved in as he sat inside it.
Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21,
dug the hole for fun, or protection from the
wind, and had been sitting in a
beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when
it collapsed, burying him
beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
the outer banks, used their
hands and shovels,
trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of
Woodbridge, VA, but could
not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy
equipment almost an hour
to free him while about 200 people looked on.
Jones was pronounced dead at a
hospital.
* In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed
in Lompoc, CA, as he fell
face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he
was burglarizing. Death
was caused when the long flashlight he had placed
in his mouth (to keep his
hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as
he hit the floor.
* According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC
cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was
stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet
Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was
trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate
the flak vest Berrena was
wearing.
* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in
February in Selbyville, Del, as
he won a bet with friends who said he would not
put a revolver loaded with
four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
* In February, according to police in Windsor,
Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27,
and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on
collision, thus earning a tie in the
game of chicken they were playing with their
snowmobiles.
DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
* In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried
to kill a millipede with a
shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet
ricocheted off a rock near
the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the
head, fracturing his skull.
* In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins,
attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom
in favor of a propane torch
and caused a fire that burned the first and
second floors of his house.
* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover
Township, NJ, and his wife
Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of
dynamite blew up in their
car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored
couple lit the dynamite and
tried to toss it out the window to see what would
happen, but apparently
failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP....
TACOMA, WA
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several
friends when one of them said
they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the
Tacoma Narrows Bridge in
the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more
heated and at least 10 men
trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30
am. Upon arrival at the
midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no
one had brought a bungee
rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking,
volunteered and pointed out that
a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of
the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and
the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
lasted 40 feet before the
cable tightened and tore his foot off at the
ankle. He miraculously survived his
fall into the icy river water and was rescued by
two nearby fishermen.
"All I can say, " said Bingham, "is that God was
watching out for me on that
night." "There's just no other explanation for
it." Bingham's foot was never
located.
AND THE WINNER....
PADERBORN, GERMANY
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his
constipated elephant
Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than
a bushel of berries, figs
and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm
finally let it fly, and
suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated
Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing
elephant an olive oil enema
when the relieved beast unloaded on him.
"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected
defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head
on a rock and lay
unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate
his bowels on top of him"
said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective
Erik Dern. 'with no one there to help him, he lay
under all that dung for at least an hour before a
watchman came along, and
during that time he suffocated. It seems to be
just one of those freak
accidents where "shit happens."